I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
