also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
