You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
