i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
