You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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