and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
