Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
