i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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