I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
