There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
