I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
