We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
