In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
