just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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