it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
