Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
