So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
