Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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