i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
