I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
