Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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