People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
