my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
