They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
