My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
