Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
