My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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