You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
