He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
