I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
