Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
