if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
