she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
