I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
