i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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