I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
