The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
