Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
