i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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