Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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