I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
