I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
