Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
