This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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