hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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