The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
