We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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