so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
