Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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