we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
