I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
